Confidence is often misunderstood as a loud, bold presence — a booming voice that demands attention and dominates every room. But what if confidence could be soft, subtle, and deeply authentic? What if growing in confidence meant tuning into your inner voice, understanding your unique story, and expressing yourself in a way that feels true to you? This article explores these ideas and more, drawing on powerful insights about finding your voice, overcoming self-doubt, and embracing assertiveness without sacrificing kindness.
The Journey of Growing in Confidence: From Dream Job to Self-Discovery
Many of us start our careers with a clear vision of what success looks like — a dream job, a goalpost we believe will mark the end of our struggles and the beginning of an effortless journey. The reality, however, is often quite different.
Imagine landing your dream job right out of university, such as becoming a TV presenter for a major channel like MTV. It feels like life has handed you the keys to effortless success. But what happens when that contract ends and the dream job disappears? The ego shatters, confidence wanes, and you’re left wondering, “What now?”
This experience is a powerful lesson in understanding that goals are not final destinations — they are markers along a marathon of personal growth. The key to growing in confidence is embracing the ever-evolving nature of your dreams and realizing that each achievement is a stepping stone to something bigger.
During those challenging times, persistence becomes your greatest ally. Instead of waiting for the perfect opportunity, immerse yourself in every possible role related to your passion. Whether it’s editorial work, internships, or local radio, every experience builds your skill set and brings you closer to your true calling.
The Power of Persistence and Proximity
When faced with unemployment or rejection, many lose hope. But one of the most effective strategies is to stay close to the industry you want to be part of. Even if it means taking a monotonous job like scheduling adverts, being physically present in the environment increases your chances of being remembered when new opportunities arise.
Persistence is not about being pushy or aggressive but about showing consistent, gentle interest. Sending follow-up emails at regular intervals or physically dropping off your CV can make a difference. The worst that can happen is a “no,” but every “no” brings you one step closer to a “yes.” 
“Imagine you knew you had fifty noes before you got a yes. You’d be going as fast as you could to get through all those nos just to hurry up and get to the yes.”
Taking the Leap: Choosing Which Fear to Face
Transitioning from a steady career to an entrepreneurial or freelance path requires confronting fear head-on. The decision often boils down to choosing which fear to embrace:
- Fear of leaving the comfort of a secure salary and routine
- Fear of staying stagnant, undervalued, or unfulfilled
Choosing the latter fear — the discomfort of staying stuck — can be a powerful motivator. It’s the realization that remaining in your comfort zone may feel safe in the short term but limits your growth and happiness in the long run.
When you feel that deep, gut-level nudge telling you it’s time to change, it’s important to listen. Trust your body’s signals before your mind floods you with doubts about money, stability, or the unknown. A simple but effective technique is the “five-second rule”: hold onto that initial feeling for five seconds before your mind tries to convince you otherwise.
Listening to Your Body and Intuition
Our bodies often communicate what our minds overlook. Stress, anxiety, or misalignment frequently manifest as physical pain or discomfort. For instance, persistent neck pain might not just be about posture but a sign of emotional tension. Recognizing these signals helps you become more attuned to when change is needed.
Similarly, your body reacts to social situations and relationships. You may instantly feel whether someone’s energy aligns with yours. Learning to trust these instincts rather than override them with rationalizations can prevent you from investing time and energy in relationships or environments that don’t serve your growth.
Finding Your Voice: The Foundation of True Confidence
Finding your voice goes beyond the physical act of speaking; it’s about discovering and expressing your authentic self. This process often starts with a shift in mindset — from daily survival to legacy building. Instead of focusing on immediate tasks, begin asking yourself, “What do I want to leave behind? What wisdom from my journey can help others?”
Finding your voice means peeling back the layers of external influence to reveal your true essence. Everyone’s voice is shaped by the people and media around them — parents, teachers, peers, and now, social media. These layers often dilute our originality and make it difficult to distinguish our own thoughts and feelings from those we’ve absorbed.
The Voice Layer Theory
The “Voice Layer Theory” illustrates this beautifully:
- Core Voice: Your authentic self, your nucleus.
- Family Influence: The first and most profound layer shaping your voice.
- Educational and Social Layers: Teachers, classmates, and friends add their influence.
- Media Influence: Television, radio, and now social media voices shape opinions and beliefs.
To find your voice, you must isolate it from these layers. This often requires a period of detoxing from social media and limiting external input to reflect deeply on who you are and what you truly believe.
Practical Steps to Isolate and Rebuild Your Voice
- Digital Detox: Take a break from social media and reduce external noise for a set period.
- Question Everything: Challenge your decisions, opinions, and feelings. Ask yourself why you think or act a certain way.
- Evaluate Relationships: Identify the five closest people in your life and assess whether they uplift or dim your voice.
- Be Cutthroat if Needed: Protect your core voice by setting boundaries and removing influences that don’t serve your growth.
- Rebuild Your Circle: Surround yourself with people who enhance and support your authentic voice.
This journey is ongoing and ever-evolving. Your voice will grow and change as you do, and so will the relationships and influences that shape it.
The Balance Between Being Nice and Being Assertive
One of the most common struggles, especially for women, is balancing kindness with assertiveness. Many grow up equating niceness with being agreeable and avoiding conflict, but this often leads to being overlooked, undervalued, or taken advantage of.
It’s important to dissolve the false binary that you must be either nice or mean. Assertiveness is not about being harsh or aggressive; it’s about communicating your needs and boundaries clearly and respectfully.
Lessons Learned from Experience
In competitive industries, it’s sometimes said that being “a bit of a bitch” is necessary to gain respect. But respect earned through fear or aggression is fragile and often toxic. True respect comes from clear communication, confidence, and kindness.
Assertiveness means:
- Being clear and concise about what you want
- Responding thoughtfully rather than reacting emotionally
- Setting boundaries without guilt
- Protecting your energy while treating others with respect
Remember, as a confident individual, your words are valuable. You don’t need to over-explain or justify yourself. A well-considered response often carries more weight than an immediate, emotional reaction.
Overcoming People-Pleasing Tendencies
People-pleasing is often rooted in the fear of rejection or of being disliked. But when you say “yes” to others at the expense of yourself, you diminish your confidence and authenticity.
Ask yourself:
“Why am I prioritizing this person’s comfort over my own needs?”
Understanding that other people’s reactions are not your responsibility frees you to set boundaries with compassion but firmness. Most people will respect your honesty and clarity, even if they don’t always get what they want.
Building Confidence through Self-Care and Reflection
Confidence isn’t a constant state; it ebbs and flows with life’s challenges and triumphs. Developing habits that nurture your self-awareness and self-appreciation is key to growing in confidence sustainably.
Tracking Your Wins
One powerful practice is to create a “My Wins” album or list. Capture every achievement, no matter how small — from cooking a new recipe to hosting a major event. This visual or written record serves as a reminder of your growth and capabilities, especially during moments of self-doubt.
Whether you use photos, notes apps, or spreadsheets, regularly updating your wins trains your brain to notice progress and celebrate success.
Allowing Yourself to Feel and Heal
It’s important to honor your emotions rather than suppress them. When experiencing low confidence or sadness, give yourself permission to feel fully — cry, reflect, rest. These moments are not setbacks but essential parts of growth.
After processing these feelings, you can bounce back with renewed energy and clarity. Confidence grows not by avoiding difficulties but by moving through them with self-compassion.
Embracing Soft Confidence
Confidence does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.” Soft confidence is grounded, calm, and resilient. It allows you to be authentic without the need to dominate or seek constant validation.
Recognizing that confidence looks different for everyone allows you to honor your unique expression of strength.
Conclusion: Embrace the Journey of Growing in Confidence
Growing in confidence is a lifelong journey of self-discovery, courage, and kindness. It requires patience to navigate setbacks, persistence to pursue your passions, and honesty to find your authentic voice amidst the noise of external influences.
Remember these key takeaways:
- Goals are markers, not finish lines — keep evolving.
- Choose which fear you want to face and act despite uncertainty.
- Trust your body’s signals and intuition.
- Isolate your voice by detoxing from external noise and questioning your beliefs.
- Balance kindness with assertiveness to communicate clearly and protect your boundaries.
- Celebrate your wins and allow space for emotional growth.
- Confidence can be soft, quiet, and deeply powerful.
By integrating these principles into your life, you will cultivate a confidence that is authentic, resilient, and uniquely yours.
Start today by listening to your inner voice, honoring your journey, and stepping boldly into the path of your true potential.
